Articles - ArticlesBack to part I...
*Tier armour dev is sitting in his office eating icecream*
Dev: "Stupid deadlines. U cant push an artist! Its like Marius think stress is like.. helpfull"
*This dev dont cope with stress very well and spawns a third personality called "stress-syndrome"*
Dev: "Sniff, this is good icecream"
Stress-syndrome: "U could eat icecream with ure feet on the desk all day. Its not like Marius will hurt u if ure not finished."
*The dev looks around with a wierd look on his face*
Dev: "Who said that?quot;
Stress-syndrome: "Its me. That little voice inside ure head that can make aaaall ure trouble go away"
Dev: O.O "Are u Elvis?quot;
Stress-syndrome: *sigh* "No I.. hm.. Yeees. Im Elvis, in spirit form to help u through these troubled times"
Dev: "Really? Like how?quot;
Stress-syndrome: "Just sit back, put ure feet up, relax. Have some icecream"
*The dev lean back slowly in his chair, puts his feet up and takes a big spoon of icecream*
Stress-syndrome: "Theeere u go. Feels good doesnt it?quot;
Dev: "So far so good :)"
*knock knock. Marius opens the door*
Marius: "Icecream? Did u finish the tier-armours allready?quot;
Stress-syndrome: "Allmost there"
Dev: "Allmost there :)"
Marius: "Good good. Come with me a sec. There is something I need to show u."
*The dev takes a huge spoon of "icecream to go" and follows Marius down the hall*
Marius: "Im about to show u something that most people dont get to see. I hope ure ready for it. I think u are."
Dev: "Err, what is it?quot;
Marius: "Just follow me"
*Marius is walking really fast, like he is excited. They reach a door that says "Do not enter! That means u, JimSalabim!"*
Marius: "Through this door is the truth. The truth behind all MMORPG-related-game-companies."
*Dev gets excited, jumping up and down while clapping his hands like a seal*
Marius: "U must make a choice. Not enter this door and go back to ure office and believe whatever u want to believe, or, enter this door and I will show u how deep the rabbithole goes."
*The dev feel he has heard that somewhere before but is way to excited to remember where.*
Dev: "Ill enter, enter!"
*Marius opens the door with his keycard and quickly closes the door once they both are inside*
Marius: "Put on this suit"
*Marius hands the dev a white suit with a big glass helmet. "Toxic-style".*
Marius: "Stand close to me in the middle of the room"
*They both stand in the middle of the room for 5 seconds, then they both get sprayed with some sort of fluid from all angles*
Marius: "The next area requires complete absense of bakterias and filth. This fluid will kill and remove any and all harmfull elements"
Dev: "This is so cool, its like X-files!"
Dev: "I can be Mulder and u can be Scully :D"
Dev: "kk, sorry.."
*The spraying stops and the door leading to the next area opens with this "psshh"-sound and the dev gets exstatic*
Dev: "Yeah, like that!"
Marius: "No, shut up!"
*Marius goes into the next area and the dev follows. There are computers everywhere. All the walls are painted white and everything looks very sterile*
Marius: "This is it! This is what I wanted to show u!"
*A huuuuge server-looking thing is standing in the middle of the room. Its probably 8 meters tall and 10 meters wide*
Marius: "This, is the bug-server"
Dev: "That what-now?quot;
Marius: "Bug-server. U see, in the computer-world everything is mathematics. Its all equations and they all need to add up. When u devs create things and add new code to the game.. well these things are concidered good. When there is good there must allso be bad, to balance the equation. So for every piece of happy-code u guys make a bad code is spawned to balance the equation. Allso known as a bug. This is the server which contains all the bugs. Thats why u devs cant find the bugs on ure computers. They are simply not there. They are HERE!*
*Marius points at the huge server and looks at the dev. The dev is standing there with the spoon in his right hand and lots of icecream smudged all over his glass-helmet*
Marius: "WTF, are u doing?quot;
Dev: "Kinda forgot about the glass.. But I heard everything u said, I swear! Its really interesting!"
*Marius wipes off the icecream from the devs helmet*
Marius: "Well if u think thats interesting then wait until u see the next thing!"
Dev: "There's more?quot;
*Marius drags the dev through another door and they are now standing on a balcony high above a huuuuuuuuuuge landscape of hamsters running in their wheels*
Marius: "Millions, BILLIONS of hamsters run in these wheels to power the server to our forum. The hamsters are nolonger born.. they are GROWN! At first I didnt believe it but then Gaute showed me the fields and I saw them with my own eyes."
Marius: "Im sorry if this is hard to take. We useally dont show this to a dev once he have worked here for a set number of time. Some dont want to know what is going on and some cant let go and accept the truth"
Dev: "U just saw the Matrix-trilogy didnt u?quot;
*Its the day before deadline and the dev is sitting in his office. He is in a really bad mood.*
Dev: "Stupid armour-crap-deadline-stuff. This office is way to depressing to get anything done."
*The dev opens his new Ninja Turtles lunchbox and stares at a boring sandwich for a while.*
Dev: "Bah, Im going to the cafeteria."
*The dev grabs his lunchbox and goes to the elevator. He press the second-floor-button and the elevator starts moving*
Elevator-music: "Meeeeeo samba samba meeeeo samba samba"
*Ding! The elevator stops at second floor and the door opens. Waiting outside the elevator is Fadinaway*
Fadinaway: "Heeey! :)"
Dev: "Hey there ;)"
*The dev quickly yet stealthy pushes all the buttons and steps out.*
Fadinaway "Just on my way up to Marius with some very urgent reports. What floor was it again?
Dev: "7 :D"
Fadinaway: "Ah, thats the one. Lets seee... eeeEEY!!"
*Door closes and the elevator starts moving downwards*
*The dev walks down the hall and around the corner into the cafeteria. The room is filled with tables placed in sections. Lots of people with white shirts are sitting around one section, lots of people in suits are sitting around another section, the server maintenance dude is sitting alone at one section and finally Cz and JimSalabim is sitting at one section. The dev goes towards the nearest empty seat which is at the suit-section.*
Suit: "This seat is taken.."
*A guy in a black suit is holding his hand on the seat and the rest are giving the dev a really nasty look*
Dev: "Oh.. sorry.."
*The dev walks to the next table where the server maintenance dude (SMD) is sitting*
*The dev walks towards the table where Cz and JimSalabim are sitting*
Dev: "Can I sit here guys?quot;
JimSalabim: "Sure, dude"
*The dev sits down and opens his lunchbox*
Cz: "Never seen u down here before. Got tired of the old office? :p"
Dev: "Kinda. I couldnt get anything done up there so I came down here for a brake I guess."
JimSalabim: "So u have never been here before?quot;
*The dev looks around*
Dev: "..not during lunchbrake atleast."
JimSalabim: "Well, then u need to learn the basics. I saw u had some troubles with the suits over there."
Cz: "Yeah. U see, u cant just come down here and eat without knowing who is who and what is where."
JimSalabim: "Ok, over there is the programmer-section"
*JimSalabim points towards the people with white shirts*
JimSalabim: "Programmers only sit with other programmers. They discuss mathematical problems and allways keep their food-sorts seperated. Meat here, potatos there, vegetables there and no gravy. Never gravy. U see, programmers cant stand that their food isnt organized."
Cz: "Their plate kinda looks like a pie-chart :p"
JimSalabim: "Over there are the people in charge of players AO-accounts."
*JimSalabim points towards the people in black suits*
JimSalabim: "Those are hardcore buissnes-people. They are the ones that make the wheels of Funcom go round. Share an account with ure wife and one of them comes to ure door late at night with a baseballbat"
Cz: "However they work like the mafia. Just pay them a few bucks and u wont see them again until next month."
JimSalabim: "Behind the counter there are the GM's. They dont do much work ingame so they get to serve here in the cafeteria too"
*JimSalabim points towards the counter at the end of the room*
Cz: "U really should go there to get some food, its funny :p"
*The dev looks at his boring sandwich*
Dev: "Hm, I might just go do that. Brb"
*The dev walks towards the counter and is surprised that there is no qeue there whatsoever even tho its in the lunchbrake*
GM: "How may I help u? :)"
Dev: "Um, got any food?quot;
GM: "Cant help u with that, sorry :)"
Dev: "U dont have food? what do u have?quot;
GM: "Two sec, Ill check :)"
*The GM goes back into a room and comes back out after 2 min*
GM: "No, sorry. We dont have anything :)"
Dev: "..Nothing at all?quot;
GM: "Sorry, is there anything else we can help u with? :)"
Dev: "Um.. no I guess not.."
*The dev walks back towards Cz and JimSalabim and they are sitting there laughing so hard that their faces are all red*
*Funcom headquarters lie empty as the sun climbs over the horizon. Outside, trees slowly wave in the morning breeze as if they where greeting the warming sunlight. Colors of nature, feeling of atmosphere and sound of leafs brushing against eachother is enough to bring even the most troubled mind to peace.*
*The Funcom doors open like a flood-gate, releasing a constant stream of programmers into the building.*
Marius: "We are late! Chop chop!"
*Lights are turned on. Coffee-makers are turned on. Computers are turned on, revealing a sexy desktop-picture. Dev gets turned on.*
Marius: "Allright lads, this is it! Make me proud!"
*Cz jumps into his chair like a cowboy and starts typing the servers-are-down-message.*
"Servers are taken down for a client patch. Downtime started at 11:00 GMT and is expected to last for 5 hours."
*Tier-armour-dev is in his office, ready to freak out at any moment*
Dev: "Aaarg! Im dead, Im dead, Im dead!*
*Dev turns on his computer hoping to find something useful there to include in the patch.*
Dev: "Come oooon! Yes, yes, yes windows XP blah blah."
Computer: "Teenage-mutant-ninja-tuuurtles, teenage-mutant-ninja-tuuurtles!"
Dev: "Shut up!!"
*Computer slowly loads the desktop icons and a Turtles wallpaper*
Dev: "Who am I kidding, there is nothing here I can use!"
*Dev is about to start with some kind of mixture betwean crying and hyperventilating. His stress-syndrome comes foreward to save the day once again.*
Stress-syndrome: "Relax. I can make aaaall ure troubles go away."
*Dev sucks on his thumb*
Stress-syndrome: "There is an ultimate solution to this problem and it involves ure computer."
*Dev looks at his computer while sucking on his thumb*
Stress-syndrome: "What if something.. happened.. to ure computer. Just by.. accident."
Dev: "..Then it wouldnt be my fault.. and noone would know that Im not finished..!"
*Dev tries to think of something to do with his computer*
*Dev gets a bit on edge, unplugs it and picks it up*
*Dev tosses the entire box through the window and it "lands" on the parkinglot*
Dev: "Holy crap!"
*Marius storms through the door*
Marius: "WTF happened!?quot;
Dev: "I.. um.."
*Dev looks at the broken window*
Dev: "That wasnt supposed to happen.."
Marius: "I bloody well hope not. What where u doing?!"
Dev: "Well.. I was trying... to ...... copy my work on a CD since Im not connected to the local network but the cd-rom didnt work.. so I desided to try and bring the entire computer to Timelapse so he could hook it up and copy the files but.. I slipped while having it on my shoulder and it fell through the window.."
*Marius is trying to hold back a minor urge to strangle the dev until he stops moving*
Marius: "..I know why Gaute left now.."
*Someone is yelling in the hallways and Marius runs out*
Programmer 13: "Help me!! Heelp meeee!!!"
*A programmer got his tie stuck in a HP-printer and its slowly pulling his head down*
Programmer 13: "Turn it off! TURN IT OFF!!"
Programmer 9: "Im trying!! None of the commands are working!"
Programmer 5: /s "Any HP 520-E Deskjet-experts here!?quot;
Programmer 13: "*caugh* hurryy.. *pant*"
Printer: "SUM SUM SUM! sum sum suuuuuum...."
*Marius is standing by the wall holding the printer power-cord in his hand.*
Marius: "..I swear, if u guys dont get a grip Ill make u run around this building 3 times."
*Tier-armour-dev arrives at work the following day only to discover that his office is packed with seaguls. He forgot to cover the broken window before he left work last night and now the seaguls have let themselves in and completely taken over.*
Seagul 2, 3, 4, 6, 8 and 9: "Galla galla galla!"
Dev: "Oh feck.. Get out!"
*The dev is waving his hands at the seaguls but they dont seem very impressed and completely ignore him.*
Dev: "Take this, you flying virmin!"
*He picks up the powercord that once belonged to his computer and tries to hit the seaguls with it from safe distance. This obviously got their attention because now they are all grabbing his hair with their feet.*
*He runs out and slams the door behind him, allmost squishing a seagul.*
Timelapse: "Your covered with fethers, dude."
*The dev has seagul-fethers all over his back and in his hair.*
Dev: "Yeah.. all the cool people are covered in fethers."
Dev: "Just go in my office. Im not the only one around here covered with fethers. You'll see."
*Timelapse gets curious and opens the door to the dev's office. The dev pushes Timelapse into the room and closes the door quickly*
Seaguls: "Galla! Galla! GALLA! GALLA! GALLA!!"
*The dev goes down the hall towards Marius' office and knocks on the door.*
Marius: "One second!"
Marius: "Ok, you can come in now!"
*The dev opens the door and Marius is sitting behind his desk smiling.*
Marius: "Done with the Tier-armours yet?quot;
Dev: "Well actually there is another problem I need to solve first."
Marius: "Now what.. Dont tell me you broke something else. You have cost Funcom enough money allready!"
Dev: "No no, nothing is broken. But.. what would you say if.."
Dev: "..if my office is filled with seaguls because I kinda forgot to cover the hole before I left yesterday?quot;
*Marius picks up a pen, stands up and throws it at the poor dev*
Marius: "How the hell do you manage to cause so much.."
*Marius suddenly gets all quiet, sits down and opens a small orange bottle with white pills. He takes a bunch and closes his eyes.*
Dev: "Marius.. Im really sorry!"
*Marius opens his eyes and now he has that smile on his face again.*
Marius: "Thats allright. I guess we should try and get them out of there, dont you think? :)"
*The dev is somewhat scared by Marius' sudden change of mood.*
Dev: "Um.. yes. But how? I tried and they wheren't very helpfull."
Marius: "Oh, dont worry about that. I will take care of it. You just sit down while I call someone to come get wrid of them."
*Marius picks up his phone and dials some number. The dev sits quiet in a chair.*
Marius: "Hello, I would like to talk with a seagul.. person.. exterminator."
Marius: "Yes, I'll hold."
*Marius gives the dev a thumb up with his left hand while holding the phone to his ear with his right hand. He still has that silly grin on his face.*
Marius: "Yes, hello. Who is this..? Jane Seagul..? From New Orleans.. "
Marius: "Um.. yes Im sorry but I was trying to get hold of a seagul-exterminator-person. What? Oh, no we have a slight seagul-infestation-problem in one of our offices. Hello..? Hello?quot;
Marius: "She hang up on me.. Let me try again."
*Marius picks up a pencil while dialing and is fiddling around with it using his left hand.*
Marius: "Yes hello? Im trying to get hold of a seagul-extermination-person.. Yes, its me again.. but you sent me to the wrong place last time. I need to talk with someone that can get wrid of some seaguls. Someone with a net or something. Yes, Ill hold."
Marius: "Yes hello? Who am I talking to? .. Anette .."
*Marius breaks the pencil in two with his left thumb and hangs up the phone with a bang. The dev can feel his palms are all sweaty. Marius takes another bunch of pills from that little orange bottle.*
Marius: "Well, lets go take care of this ourselves then. :)"
*Marius walks past the dev who is leaning away from him out of fear.*
Marius: "Whats going on here!?quot;
*The hallway are filled with paramedics and curious programmers. Something that appears to be an employe covered in fethers and seagul-crappings is being carried away while repeatedly shouting:*
Timelapse: "Galla... Galla... Galla..."
*Tier-armour-dev is sitting in his office playing Tetris on his Gameboy*
Dev: "Come on! I need a long one. Give me a long one!"
*Alot of noice from outside the office takes his concentration away*
Gameboy: "Game over!"
Dev: "Whatever.. The graphics in that game sucks anyway.."
*The dev gets up, places his Gameboy strategically inbetwean 2 pieces of seagul-crappings on his desk and opens the door*
Programmer 16: "Get back in your office, they are comming!"
Dev: "Who is comming? O.o"
Programmer 16: "The Expansion-pack-programmers!"
Programmer 16: "Dude, the expansion-pack-programmers have alot more resources than us regular programmers. They use every opportunity they have to make fun of us. We have to get ready before they get here."
Dev: "Get ready in what way?quot;
Programmer 16: "Well, last time they where here was right before the launch of Shadowlands. They showed us all these fancy screenshots, videos and drawings of things to come and came with alot of remarks about how we REGULAR programmers never could make something like that. We have to get fake screenshots, 3D-models, textures and such we downloaded from the internet ready so it looks like we are doing miracles here."
Dev: "I see. Good luck with that... Why are they here anyway?quot;
Marius: "To get ready for the release of Alien Invasion."
*Both the dev and programmer jumps just as Marius made his creepy yet stealthy entrance.*
Dev: "WTB bell on the dynaboss."
Programmer 16: "Marius, could you please keep the expansion-pack-programmers out of this floor? They dont play nice."
Marius: "Calm down, they are just here for a few hours to show us how Alien Invasion is comming along. Then they will leave. I promise."
Expansion-pack-programmer 4 (EPP 4): "Hey there Bob ;)"
Programmer 16: "/w damnit.."
*Programmer 16 forces a smile on his face*
Programmer 16: "My name isnt Bob, its Marcus :) .."
EPP 4: "Haha, thats funny. You dont look like a Marcus. You look like a Bob :p"
*EPP 4 performs a short yet incredibly sleezy laughter.*
EPP 4: "Follow meh, we are going to the cafeteria to show you our stuff!"
*Marius, the devs, programmers and EP-programmers all go down to the cafeteria. The entire room is filled with chairs and all the EP-programmers have gathered infront of the food-counter.*
EPP 1: "Everyone please have a seat so we can get started."
*All the seats gets filled up and its all quiet.*
EPP 1: "Ok, good.. Hi, my name is Dick and Im the head programmer in our division. We are here today to show you guys the FUTURE of Anarchy Online."
Programmer: 16: "/w Great, here we go.."
EPP 1: "This last year, we in the EP-division have had the pleasure of working closely with NASA. We have helped them creating their new unhackable website where we in exchange get to use their computers for our work. One of the scientists at NASA calculated that only one of their computers is about 137 times more powerfull than every single computer in this building combined."
Programmer 16: "What a bastard.."
EPP 1: "Needless to say, the things we are able to create with all this..."
*EPP 1 takes a deep breath*
EPP 1: "..power.. is simply mindblowing. Jack, if you please."
EPP 2: "Thank you, Dick."
*Expansion-pack-programmer 2 is standing there with his hands behind his back and a huge grin on his face.*
EPP 2: "So, by now I bet you guys are dying to know what we have been doing since last time we where here? :)"
*The room is all quiet*
Programmer 29: *caugh*
EPP 2: "With the release of Alien Invasion we are invading Rubi Ka with huuuuuge alien space-ships, so large that they completely cover the entire sky, hoards of dropships will be flying aaaall over the place dropping naaasty aliens aaaaall over the place. Huuuuuge cities made by the players themselves will burn and crumble unless the players themselves help fight off the neverending hoards of aliens."
*EPP 2 is waving his hands around and he is obviously very proud of what he is saying*
EPP 2: "Imagine thousands of players and aliens and ships in huuuuuge battles all over the planet! Any questions so far?quot;
*Programmer 16 stands up.*
Programmer 16: "I was just wondering.. with all this stuff happening.. Wont there some lag-issues..?quot;
EPP 2: "What do you mean.. L.A.G.?quot;
Programmer 16: "Well, I mean.. right now Im playing this level 23 omni adventurer and when Im walking past bronto burger in Omni Ent my computer allmost crashes. So I was thinking that a few thousand aliens, spaceships, motherships, hundreds of people who are fighting the aliens.. in addition to those 8 people that where allready there and the bronto burger-stand.. Wont the lag be even worse?quot;
EPP 2: "Look, I dont understand what this L.A.G. is. We tested it on NASA's computers and it worked perfectly fine. Next question!"
*Programmer 16 sits down again*
EPP 1: "Right, if there are no more questions at this time we can move straight on to the next topic. We revealed our work and now its your turn. :)"
*Everyone looks at the Tier-armour-dev*
Marius: "/w Dude, get up there!"
Dev: "/w Huh!? O.O"
Marius: "/w This was your assignment. You have had a whole year. Dont tell me you forgot!"
*The dev stands up and makes his way to the food-counter. He can feel hundreds of eyes directed at him.*
Dev: "Um.. Hi.. all."
*The dev does this little wave with his left hand and he realises that it was a very feminin wave and quickly hides his hand.*
Dev: "I.. eh. Well, I really like pet-professions.."
*Everyone seems to agree. Lots of clapping and positive chat betwean the people sitting.*
Dev: "And.. I allso think leets are cool! :)"
*Again, everyone is whistling and clapping, giving the dev a boost of confidence.*
Dev: "So.. naturally I thought it would be cool to combine these 2 elements.. by creating new leet-pets for those that pre-order."
EPP 1: "Hehe, so basicly you have spent the last entire year making a pet-leet?quot;
*Crowd gets silent again*
Dev: "Oh.. oh no, no, no. I have created.. 10 different leets. One for each mood so to speek. Um.. one that looks like a.. err pirate."
*Crowd goes wild*
SMD: "Yarr! :D"
Dev: "And a.. uh a leet that looks like a programmer! :p"
*All the programmers are laughing*
Dev: "And 8 more but those will be a surprise.."
EPP 1: "Well, thats cute.. Thank you :)"
Programmer 16: "/w I'll be right back."
Marius: "/w Ok, hurry back."
*The dev takes a seat and Marius is looking at him while shaking his head. The session lasts for 10 more min and then everybody starts to go back to their offices.*
Dev: "Where did Marcus go?quot;
Dev: "Programmer 16.."
Marius: "Oh.. I dont know. He left a while ago."
*They are standing in the big hall by the exit and all the expansion-pack-programmers are walking past them to the exit-door while making smart remarks like:*
EPP 3: "I bet your pretty hyped to see AI in action, arent you? ;)"
*Suddenly Marcus comes running down the stairs with a CD in his hands*
*Everyone turns against Marcus*
Marcus: "Dick! I got something for you. Hold up!"
*Dick stops in the doorway and Marcus hands him the CD*
Dick: "Whats this?quot;
Marcus: "Oh Im so impressed by what you do that I wanted to give you this CD. Its a collection of my best work. If you just could look at it and perhaps give people some kind words about me.. I would be very happy if you could. There is nothing I want more than working at your division!"
*Dick puts the CD in his pocket and laughs*
Dick: "Sure thing.. I bet we could use a good laugh ;)"
*All the expansion-pack-programmers have left and Marius, The tier-armour-dev and Programmer 16 is standing in the hall.*
Marius: "Dude, what was that all about?quot;
Programmer 16: "Just some viruses. Should get him into enough trouble I think :)"
Marius: "Dude, NASA..!"
*Its a fairly slow, warm summersday at Funcom. Alot of pencil-fiddeling and thumb-thumbelling going on. Programmer number 32 is trying to balance his coffee-cup on the top of his head. Programmer 17 is watching and clapping his hands like a seal.*
Marius: "Guys, can I get your attention for a sec."
*Everyone looks at Marius.*
Marius: "Old Bubba at public relations has been replaced.*
Programmer 8: "Not Bubba!?quot;
Programmer 5: "He was the funniest guy ever. His mathematical jokes is what kept me going!"
Marius: "Well, he wasnt very productive or even helpfull. I took a look at other MMORPG-companies and they all seem to have women working at public relations. I thought we should do the same."
Marius: "Everyone, meet Lisa."
*A short, blonde bimbo-looking lady chewing on bubblegum is standing by the wall waving. A programmer is sitting very close to where she is standing but he doesnt have the currage to turn around and look at her. There might be eyecontact.*
Lisa: "Hi everybody! :) Thihihi :)" *crew chew* *twiddle hair*
Marius: "Her office is getting cleaned and repainted so she has to sit here with you guys today. Be nice with her ok? Its her first day."
Marius: *points at programmer 12* "Tim over here is in charge of Traders so his desk is somewhat empty right now. You can share desk with him until your office is ready, ok?quot;
Lisa: "Ok! :) Thihihi :)"
*Lisa sits down by Tim and he feels like he just went through a timeportal and is back at first day of school.*
*Tim jumps in his chair*
Lisa: "Nice to meet you Tim! :)"
Tim: "Uh n..n.. He.. ya.. nnice to meet you, hey."
*Tim is looking into her eyes for the first time and its like they are sitting there all alone. He forgot the 30 other programmers looking at them.*
Lisa: "So, Mr. Tim. Whats a Trader anyway? :)"
Tim: "Oh.. um.. I forgot what it is at the moment but Im in charge of it :)"
Lisa: "Ooo a man in charge? ;) Thihihi :D"
Lisa: "Thihihi :p"
Programmer 3: "Dude, dont hurt yourself.."
Tim: /w "Shh.. its working.."
*Meanwhile, the sound-guy is comming out of his studio. He opens the door slowly*
*He walks out and down the hall*
Sound-guy: "Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump."
*The tier-armour-dev is standing by the coffee-maker talking to Cz.*
Cz: "..but the ending was horrible. I mean.. the park with the bench and the sunset? What was that all about?quot;
*The sound-guy doesnt say anything. He takes a cup of coffee and walks back to his studio*
Sound-guy: "SQUEEEEK! (rollerrat)"
Dev: "Whats up with that guy?quot;
Cz: "He dont talk much but he is superb when it comes to sounds. Did you know that all sounds in AO where made only with a microphone, windows sound recorder and that dude using his mouth? Thank god his office is sound-proof"
*Tier armour dev is knocking on the servers-door*
Server meintenance dude (SMD): "Yarr, matie!"
*The dev opens the door*
Dev: "Hey.. um.. what are you doing?quot;
*The SMD is on his knees under a table*
SMD: "Watch ye steps, laddy. I have lost me glass eye!"
Dev: "..you mean your contact lense?quot;
*SMD gets back up on his feet and brushes off some dust from his knees*
SMD: "It was right here a moment ago, now its nowhere to be found. Yarr.."
Dev: "Did you try walking in and out of the room? :p"
SMD: "..what do you mean?quot;
Dev: "..nevermind. Look, I need you to do me a favour. I will make it worth your while."
SMD: "Interesting, and what is it that you will have me do?quot;
*The dev looks really nervous. He makes sure the door is closed and he walks up close to the SMD.*
Dev: "Remember.. this is hush hush. This has to stay betwean us. Ok?quot;
*SMD, who has an eyepatch on his left eye, turns his head to the left and looks at the dev with his right eye wide open.
Dev: "So you understand?quot;
*SMD winks at the dev with his right eye*
Dev: "..so that is a yes then?quot;
*The dev takes another look at the door behind him to make sure noone is standing there.*
Dev: "Ok.. I need you.. to shut down the servers tomorrow at 12.. make it seem like they crashed. Then keep them down for 30 minutes."
SMD: "Yarr.. I dont know.."
Dev: "I'll give you whatever you want. Name your price."
SMD: "Well.. being captain 'pon the servers is a mans job. But a man gets lonely."
SMD: "Late at night.. when its dark and quiet.. except from the humming noice from the frikkin servers ofcource.."
SMD: "..I get lonely."
Dev: "Dude.. where are you going with this?quot;
*The SMD looks behind the dev and the door is still closed*
SMD: "..Id like a parrot."
Dev: "A what now?!"
SMD: "A parrot. Not a real one.. One of those virtual parrots that you can install on your computer and talk to."
Dev: "um.. ok, I think I can get that.."
*The SMD takes a firm grip of the devs arm*
SMD: "And a box of aspirins! Yarr! The migrane! The MIGRANE!"
Dev: "Dude, ok, ok. I'll get it!"
*The SMD lets go of the devs arm and brushes off his shirt*
Dev: "So we have a deal then?quot;
*The dev starts walking towards the door*
Dev: "Remember.. tomorrow at 12.."
SMD: "Me glass eye!"
*Tier armour dev enters the server-room. Its 12:30.*
Dev: "Dude.. are you in here?quot;
*SMD is messing with some wires behind one of the computer. He is obviously stressed out because he's all sweaty and he has taken his pirate-hat off, revealing a shiny, bald head.*
Dev: "Hey, dude."
SMD: "Damn, yarr!"
*SMD quickly gets his pirate-hat back on and looks at the dev*
Dev: "So.. how did it go? Did you complete.. your end of the bargain?quot;
SMD: "Yarr, me having some troubles. The main server may be old but she makes up for that by running steady as a battleship. I managed to get the chat-server down tho."
Dev: "Hm.. damnit. That will have to do. Wait here, I'll go do my thing and then I'll come back and we'll talk about your reward."
*The dev walks over to Marius' office and knocks on the door*
Marius: "Who's there?quot;
Marius: "Dev who?quot;
Dev: "Tier armour dev."
Marius: "Oh feck.. come in.."
*The dev enters Marius' office and position himself infront of the desk.*
Dev: "The chat-server is down."
Marius: "What!? What did you do now!?quot;
Dev: "Ey! Why do I allways get the blame everytime something goes wrong?quot;
Marius: "How about statistics?quot;
*Marius walks out of his office and down the hall towards the server-room. The dev is now standing all alone in Marius' office.*
Marius (far-away-noice): /shout "What the hell is going on with the chat-server?quot;
*The dev quickly goes behind Marius' desk and starts fiddeling with the computer*
Dev: "Come on.. where is it... Aha!"
*The dev discovers all the catalogues with all the different types of armour-models and textures.*
Dev: "Shadowland... S....Shadowleet... There!"
*The dev opens a catalogue containing unused armours designed for shadowlands expansionpack.*
Dev: "Author: John P. Sherman.."
*The dev deletes the true author and writes in his own name*
*He gets out from behind the desk and goes out into the hall. Marius is walking back towards him*
Marius: "Shut up."
Dev: "O.o I didnt say anything."
*Marius slams the door shut once inside of his office. The dev walks back to the server-room and knocks on the door*
Dev: "What did he say? Or more importantly what did you say?quot;
SMD: "Yarr, I told him I unplugged a cable by mistake and that Id plug it in stright away. Then he assured me that I would lose me job as pirate 'pon the servers if I didnt get it up and running again within 5 minutes."
Dev: "You can get it running again, cant you?quot;
SMD: "Yarr, its an easy fix for sure. But first, where's me parrot and aspirins?quot;
Dev: "Excuse me, you didnt do what I told you to do. I managed to use the little time I had to take care of some stuff. I need to keep my job as well you know. For that I'll give you the aspirins."
*The dev takes out a bottle of aspirins from his back-pocket and hands it over to the SMD.*
SMD: "Yarr, I've been waiting for this all day. This humming-noise will be the end of me!"
Dev: "So your sure getting the chat-server up and running is easy? Its been down for an hour allready."
*SMD opens the box o' aspirins and swallows the entire content in one go.*
SMD: "Yarr, its an easy fix for sure. Its just a matter of... of...*snort*"
*SMD tilts over and falls asleep in a pile of wires*
Dev: "Oh crap! Dude wake up! The chat-server!"
*SMD is like a bag of potatoes and wont wake up nomatter how hard the dev is slapping his face*
Dev: "We're so screwed.."
*The dev takes a look at the wire-chaos and spots an unplugged powercord*
Dev: "Oh God I hope this is it.."
*He plugs in the cord and suddenly all the lights in the entire building goes out.*
Dev: "Oh fudge.."
Continue to part III...
Originaly posted by Wrangeline on Anarchy Online official forums
Article written by Wrangeline
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