Wrangeline's Tier-armour is being made part I
Tier-armor is being made.(Behind the scenes) is 24 scenes long story, written by Wrangeline (lvl 220 trader, Atlantean) and first publish on official forums (original tread here
) betwen Nov 28th, 2003 and Feb 18th, 2005. Its one of most succesfull treads, with over 650 replies and 105000+ views.
Since quite some time has past since first post and there have been some changes in Funcom mamagment, introduction of main characters is in order:
Dev - unnamed FC developer, current status unknown, latest forensic evidence
indicate he's still holding his possition
Marius - Marius Enge, ex-game director of Anarchy Online,occupying the position betwen launch of Shadowlands and Alien Invasion expansion, currently working for Sigil Games Online on Vanguard: Saga of Heroes
Cz - Thomas 'Czeffyr' Johnsen, former Anarchy Online community manager, atm working as community manager for Blizzard Entertainment (aka Thundgot)
JimSalabim - Trond Ivar Hansen, still working on Anarchy Online as a Designer
Server-maintenance-dude (SMD) - location &status unknown
Bug-server - still quietly humming away somewhere in FC building
Hamsters running on their wheels - hamster plague (2006) wiped them out. Single survivior was placed in Schrödinger box.
Fadiway - ex co-developer of Anarchy online, working for http://www.playerbasesolutions.com
Timelapse - Ex ARK Community Relations Director, presumably still playing Anarchy Online
Askiles - player, ex-Storm president, taking a prolong break
Znore - Morten 'Znore' Byom, took position of game director after Marius, betwen launch of Alien Invasion and Lost Eden, working as Assistant Game Director for ‘Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures’ atm
Gaute - Gaute 'No camping' Godager, founder of Funcom, ex-game director till launch of Shadowlands, atm game director for Age of Conan
And yes, it's fiction. Some of the issues adressed might be fixed since then. And some of the jokes are trader specific. But mere fact that tread survived so long means that even new players can relate to humor used as well as proof of quality of it.
In any case, enjoy :)
Tier-armour is being made. (Behind the scenes)
Maby the dev responsible for tier-armours is inspired by anything he can see while sitting infront of his desk.
"Hm.. lets see.. MA's... um.. ooo lunch-time! Eeey a banana, my mom is so cool. Hm.. this banana is so cool.. maby MA's could look like that? Eeey and this plum.. that could be agents."
*starts to play with the plum and banana*
"Take THAT plum-agent-man! Oh yeah!? Take this, banana-MA-man! Naaa u missed me plum-agent-man!"
*reaches for his aluminum toaster*
"And here comes the enforcer! Muhahaha bash! crush! hahaha Noone can beat the enforcer!"
*crushes the fruit with the heavy toaster and makes alot of mess then grabs the lamp on his desk*
"Oooh nooo its a trader!! Hurry everyone run, the trader is evil!!"
*flickers the lamp on and off*
"Im here to eat ure babies and sell ure genitals to tradershop for benefit!"
*office-door opens and in comes Marius*
Dev: ".... I was looking for the notes from the last meeting *caugh*"
*Marius closes the door slowly with himself safely on the other side*
"Aaaarg the evil man just left. We need backup just in case he returns!"
*Cuts out the moose from the picture hanging on the wall called "moose in sunset"*
"HaHA! Here comes the backup-tank in full sentinel to support the main toaster-tank!"
*Takes a look at his teletubbies lunchbox and says:*
"U guys cant join our uber team! The old days with heated, cold and those other ugly plaststeel-armours are OVER! As a mather of fact Ill get my mom to buy a NEW lunch-box tomorrow, hahha."
"Now we got an uber team, Ill be doc and heal u guys as u raid the coffee-maker!"
*Picks up the squished fruit, toaster, moose picture and the lamp and goes out of the office towards the coffeemaker where Cz is waiting*
Cz: ".... cleaning the office?"
*Dev looks down at all the junk in his hands*
Dev: ".... No we're raiding the coffeemaker"
................................. can I join?"
Dev: "Full sry"
Cz: "Well I came here first so this coffee is mine. U can make ure own when Im done"
*Dev makes evil plot*
Cz: "There, now my coffee is done, now u can make urs :)"
*Dev throws all his junk at Cz and grabs the coffee and runs into his office while yelling:*
Cz: "Im gonna tell Marius about that!"
*Cz goes to Marius' office and explains what just happened*
Marius: "Yeah I see, but the thing is.. I wasnt there to see it so there is nothing I can do. ;)"
*Cz exits the office and Marius suddenly feels like messing with the staff. He picks up his long wooden stick with the words "Nerf stick" ingraved on the side and walks out into the hallway*
Marius: "WHO AINT WORKIIIING!?"
*Suddenly the office gets really bussy. Marius walks slowly down the corridor wacking his stick against his palm*
Marius: "Are we workiiiiing.... HERE!?"
*Marius quickly peeks into a random room and the dev inside jumps in his chair, fixes his hairdo and says:*
Dev: "Err, um, Yes sir! Ofcource sir! :).."
Marius: "And what are u doing atm then?"
*The dev enters panic-mode and tries to think of something clever during the next 1.3 seconds*
Dev: "I mean... Nanofreak.. urine.."
Dev: "Um.. err.. its .. part of a new ... tradeskillprocess.. yeah."
*Dev cracks under preassure*
Dev: "Ok, ok!! I confess! I have no idea what Im doing"
Marius: "U know what that means dont u? ;)"
Dev: "The stick?.. :("
Marius: "Mhm, the stick :D"
*Marius wips the dev in the arm and the dev struggles to keep back some tears. Marius continues down the hallway and repeatedly taps the walls with his stick*
Marius: "And hoow aboouut.... HERE!?"
*Marius opens the door to the tier-armour-dev*
Marius; "And what are U doing atm then?"
Dev: "Creating the visuals for the tier-armours in shadowlands"
Marius: "Cool, may I see ure ideas?"
Dev: "Um, yea.. the thing is.."
*Marius raises his stick and says:*
Dev: "I... ;).... gave my notes to Cz :D"
Marius: "Hm.. very well. Carry on then."
*Marius walks back to his office*
*JimSalabim peeks his head out of his office, then steps out*
JimSalabim: /s "Eeey! Anyone got a paperclip!?"
*[insert silence] + [ugly noice from a printer caughing blood]*
JimSalabim: /s "Anyone? Helluuuu!?"
*JimSalabim goes down the hall and knocks on the closest door. There is a tag on the door that says "Servers". Noone answers so JimSalabim enters.*
JimSalabim: "Anyone in here?"
*The room is really dark and the air is filled with this intense humming-noice from the bussy servers. A blue light flickers down in the corner behind one of the servers. Jimsalabim goes around to see who's there*
JimSalabim: "Hey, do u have paperclips? I need to... OMG! DUDE!"
Server-maintenance-dude (SMD): "YARR!!"
SMD: "Evast ye!"
*This pale short person with an eyepatch and a paper-hat with a badly drawn skull on the front is sitting at one of the servers playing solitare*
JimSalabim: "Who the hell are u?"
SMD: "Me be captain 'pon teh servers, yarr!"
*JimSalabim have never entered the server-room before and feel forced to ask:*
JimSalabim: "Do u work here?"
SMD: "Yarr.. Me be captain 'pon teh servers for 3 years strong, laddy."
JimSalabim: "And obviously thats not good for u I see.."
SMD: "Yarr.... its the humming noice..."
JimSalabim: "So anyway.. do u have paperc..."
SMD: "Used to look like u I did. All scurfy landlubber and dandy matie.. but after 3 years of humming and no sleep u would turn out like this as well u would!"
JimSalabim: "Look.. I just wanted.."
*server makes this "beep" noice and SMD gets extatic*
SMD: "YARR!! Harr harr, download complete! Master and Commander divX harr harr. Not even on ure fancy cinema yet! Yarr! Jim-laddy?"
*JimSalabim closes the door behind him*
SMD: "Yarr... Jim-laddy?.."
JimSalabim: "Paperclips.. I need paperclips!"
*JimSalabim knocks on the tier-armour-dev's door*
[muffled noice]Dev: "Enter and approach!"
*JimSalabim opens the door and spots the dev sitting behind his desk with the trashcan over his head*
Dev: "Inventing helmets.."
JimSalabim: "U got any paperclips?"
Dev: "uuuhh let me check"
*Dev checks through his drawers*
*2 min, 1 lighter, 3 batteries, 1 magic eightball, 43 cd's, 1 naughty magazine, 3 unpaid bills and a bag of balloons later he goes:*
Dev: "ahA! Found one!"
*Dev is about to hand over the single paperclip when he says:*
Dev: "Eeey.. wait a minute!"
JimSalabim: "What, what?"
Dev: "This.. yes it.. it kinda looks like a MA-weapon!"
JimSalabim: "What, now?"
Dev: "Look, when I hold it like this.. This is something a MA could use!"
JimSalabim: "Could u just give me the friggin paperclip so I can get some work done here!?"
Dev: "Ooooo posh arent we!? So ure paperclipping-whatever-it-is-ure-doing is soooo much more important than what I do, right!? Well let me tell u something Jimbo, I have.."
*SMACK! Marius is standing in the doorway with his stick*
Marius: "Save that energy for the coding, wont ya boys? ;)"
*Marius walks slowly back into his office*
JimSalabim: ".. gimme the clip"
Dev: "ghvimmi thvi chflippf!"
*door slams shut*
Scene 7 "The meeting"
*JimSalabim knocks on Cz's door*
Cz: "PEEKAY! GIVE ME URE SWO.... *caugh*.. Come in?"
JimSalabim: "Hey Im in a hurry, u got a paperclip? The meeting is about to start and I still dont have my stuff rdy"
Cz: "Yea sure. Come in, u have GOT to see this. Im pretending to be an ARK and messing with people. Its so fun!"
*JimSalabim looks over Cz's shoulder*
JimSalabim: "Hajk is petitioning I see?"
Cz: "Yeah, he's stuck in SL. Im gonna warp him to upper north-east corner of PW :D"
JimSalabim: "Haha! Look at that guy swear! What a language. Hurry take a screenshot!"
Cz: "Woot, that was a great one. Do u mind hanging the screenshot up by the others for me? I gotta get my notes together too before the meeting."
JimSalabim: "Sure Ill just go get my papers and Ill hang it up on the way"
*JimSalabim takes some paperclips and goes to his office to collect his papers for the meeting. On his way to the meeting he hangs the screeny up on the wall, ontop of another screeny since there is no room left in this corridor.*
JimSalabim: "Dang, we need to add some more walls to this structure :p"
*4 minutes later Marius, Cz, JimSalabim, SMD, the tier-armour-dev and the dude in charge of feedback is gathered around this long mafia-looking table. Marius is at the very end smoking a cigar and holding the nerf stick in his right hand.*
Marius: "Right, meeting is officially started! There are 2 things that we need to discuss today. First, the progress on tier-armour-visuals that should have been completed today. Second, we can nolonger afford the number of staff we have at this moment so Im afraid one of u have to go."
*Everyone looks at tier-armour-dev*
Marius "Since Im in a nasty mood today Ill keep the /org kick until the end of the meeting just to see u guys sweat."
*Marius Looks into some papers for 3 sec then looks at tier-armour-dev*
Marius: "So, u done with the visuals? Last time I asked about this issue u said that Cz had ure notes."
Cz: "Peekeeeey *caugh* I mean.. eeey! I never got any notes from him!"
*Marius looks at dev*
Marius: "So, whats all this then!?"
*Marius raises stick..*
Dev: "Errr... its... um.... communication failure! Yeah! Nasty buissnes but it happens Im afriad..."
*Dev looks at Marius. A drop of sweat is running down the left side of his face.*
Marius: "Communication failure, ey? And who is in charge of communication?"
SMD: "Yarr, closest would be feedback-laddy... scurfy landlubber.."
Marius: "Right, ure fired!"
*Marius hits the feedback-dude in the arm and the feedback-dude starts to cry and runs out of the room*
Marius: "Well, that takes care of the second part of the meeting. AHhahha!"
*Nervous laughter from the staff*
Marius: "Well, since feedback screwed up I guess Ill prospone the tier-armour-deadline one more week. Meeting over! Time for lunch!"
JimSalabim: /w "Nice save there, dev ;)"
Scene 8 Three days later.
*Dev is sitting on the toilet thinking about tier-armours*
"Just 4 days left and I havent done anything.. Maby my mom was right, maby I should have become a banker afterall.."
*Squeeek. The door opens and the dev who is sitting on the toilet looks surprised at the person entering*
Programmer: "Woah, sorry bout that."
*The programmer closes the door quickly and the dev can feel his pulse going down again.*
Dev: "Wish there was a lock on these doors."
*Squeeeek. The door opens again and the same programmer is standing in the doorway*
Programmer: "Damnit, Im really sorry."
*The programmer closes the door and the dev can hear the programmer walking away*
*The dev is just about to stand up and get his pants back on when the door suddenly opens*
Dev: "Waaah! Damnit!!"
Programmer: "Oh darn. Im so sorry.*
Dev: "What are u doing anyway!?"
Programmer: "Well this toilet was taken so I was trying to spawn a new GS, sorry"
Dev: "..wow, ure even wierder than the server maintenance dude.."
*The programmer eyeballs the dev and walks out again*
Dev: "Sooo.. where is that toiletpaper..."
*The dev looks around the small room and spots a roll of toiletpaper on the sink*
Dev: "Aha, there we go"
*BANG! The door opens again and in comes 1, 2, 3, 4, 5... 12 programmers... 13 programmers. The room is so small that one of the programmers have to sit on the devs lap.*
Dev: "(#¤#=)¤?=)# What is wrong with u people!!?!?"
Programmer nr. 7: "2 sec please. We need to fill this toilet to get a new GS."
Dev: "U cant DO that!! This isnt AO ffs, get OFF me!"
Programmer nr. 4: "Dude there is no need to curse, we know what we're doing."
Programmer nr. 6: "This GS stinks"
Programmer nr. 3: "Bob? Yo Bob, where are u?"
Programmer nr. 9: "Over here, Jack!"
Programmer nr. 3: "Where? I cant see u.."
Programmer nr. 9: "Under the sink"
*Programmer nr. 3 bends down so his head is dangerously close to the devs thigh*
Programmer nr. 3: "Eeey I see u!"
Dev: OK, Thats it! Get out!! OUT!!"
Continue to part II...
Continue to part III...
Originaly posted by Wrangeline on Anarchy Online official forums
Last updated on 12.07.2011 by Khuri
Article written by Wrangeline
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